One Evening
by dS-Tiff
Summary: One evening, RayK nearly drives himself crazy thinking about his friendship with Fraser, so he makes a huge decision, but is it the right one?  Fortunately, Fraser is there to help Ray sort out his head the way only a best friend can.


_This is a bit of a departure from the usual type of story that I write. I choose not to write the dS boys as being anything more than friends, but that's simply my personal preference and I realise that a lot of fan fiction writers prefer to take their relationship further, as is their perogative. I do admit that I enjoy reading some of those for a whole bunch of reasons that do not need exploring at this juncture! Anyway, this is my personal (basically non-slash) take on it, I hope you like it. Please submit a review, good or bad, thank you kindly!  
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ONE EVENING

"One moment!" Constable Benton Fraser called out, desperately trying to pull on his uniform trousers as he half ran down the hall towards the door. He had been preparing for bed and had already removed most of his uniform when he'd heard the knock at the door. Diefenbaker barked. "Oh," Fraser visibly relaxed as he was immediately less concerned about his appearance. "You could have told me it was Ray," he scolded his wolf. Dief whined. Fraser shook his head and opened the door. "Good evening Ray," he beamed, as Diefenbaker had of course been correct and it was his very good friend Ray Kowalski, currently undercover as his other very good friend, Ray Vecchio. "I wasn't expecting you at this late hour..." but his face suddenly dropped as he noticed Ray's appearance and expression. "Great Scot Ray," he exclaimed, reaching out and taking his friend by the shoulder. "What on earth happened?"

Fraser led Ray into the reception room and Ray sat on the sofa. He still hadn't said a word. Fraser wasn't sure what to do. Ray didn't appear to have any obvious injuries. They'd had a couple of difficult days at work, but that was all over now and another dangerous, violent criminal was behind bars thanks to Ray's instinctive bravery and Fraser's quick thinking. Fraser stood with his arms folded, waiting for a sign from Ray. Some clue as to what was troubling him so much. Usually he could read his friend's face, but this was different. Something had really rattled Ray and by the look of him, he'd obviously been worrying about it for some time before he'd ended up at the Canadian Consulate. "Would you like some tea?" he said quietly. Ray shook his head, without making eye contact with his partner. Fraser sighed and sat down next to Ray. "Ray, talk to me. Are you in pain? You came all the way here...I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

Ray shrugged, sighed and stood up suddenly. "I shouldn't've come here...I'm sorry...I'll see ya tomorrow at the twenty seventh..." he headed towards the door.

"Ray sit down," instructed Fraser, surprising not only Ray, but himself too at his commanding tone of voice.

Ray stopped in the doorway and hung his head. He put one hand on his hip and turned, finally looking his partner in the eye. "You're not gonna like it buddy," he said.

"Let me be the judge of that," replied Fraser, his voice much softer now.

Ray stood motionless for a moment. His head was spinning so much now that it hurt. Ten minutes ago he'd made the decision to come here and talk to Fraser and deal with the consequences later, but now he was actually here, he was beginning to think he'd made the wrong decision. Finally he nodded and crossed back to the sofa and sat down, perched on the edge, unable to relax. He took a deep breath and then just blurted it out. "Fraser, I'm in love with ya."

Fraser wasn't entirely sure what Ray was saying. He'd heard the words of course, but the meaning was unclear at best, slightly terrifying at worst.

"Did ya hear what I said?" asked Ray. Complete silence was not exactly the reaction he'd been expecting. He wasn't sure what reaction he'd been expecting, perhaps even the first ever occurrence of Mountie-swearing, maybe another punch in the face, but not stony silence. "I said I love ya," he repeated.

"And I you Ray," replied Fraser with a frown.

"No!" Ray exclaimed, "don't ya get it? I'm in love with ya, I love ya, not like a brother, like a, er, like a, er..." he couldn't think of an appropriate word.

"A lover?" finished Fraser, nervously, his face remaining remarkable neutral. He wasn't about to display any emotion at this stage, he didn't want Ray to be influenced at all by his responses. He wanted Ray to explain his thoughts independently, in his own words, but Ray had fallen silent again. "What's brought this on?" he prompted.

"Me," replied Ray, "I mean, I've been thinkin', that's all, about, well...about us."

"Us?" Fraser looked directly into his partner's eyes and was shocked by the torment he saw behind them. He could tell Ray had been crying, but there was something else too. Fraser allowed himself to be slightly relieved. He could see uncertainty. Ray had clearly been going over this in his mind, but hadn't really come to any conclusions. At that moment Fraser knew he had to help his friend, to guide him through this and to get him to the other side. Ray needed to find some clarity and whatever that clarity was, Fraser would stand by him. "Ray," he said earnestly, "are you suggesting you wish to pursue a homosexual relationship with me?"

Ray clenched his teeth. That word, trust Fraser to use that word, the proper word, like he'd swallowed the dictionary. "I'm not gay Fraser," he said with a shrug.

"I know you're not and neither am I," replied Fraser, calmly.

"So why am I thinking all this crap?" Ray made a fist and pounded it into the side of his own head several times.

"I'm afraid I have no idea Ray," admitted Fraser. "Although, I would suggest that giving yourself a concussion is not going to help." Ray looked at him and finally cracked the tiniest of smiles. "Ray, we have spent the last two days in very close quarters. The investigation has been rather intense and the stakeout ended with a particularly dangerous situation, that thankfully ended well for us." Fraser paused for breath. "I am your partner and your friend Ray, am I right in thinking that this is the first time you've had thoughts of this nature about me? About us?"

"Yeah," Ray nodded, "first time for everythin' though, right?"

Fraser sighed. His initial thoughts about letting Ray take the lead in this conversation just wasn't working out the way he'd hoped. "Ray, if I may suggest, I believe you are...that is to say that I think your ability for rational thought may be being affected by lack of sleep."

"So ya think I'm bein' irrational?" snapped Ray, "ya think I'm confused? I'm not confused OK. I've thought about this."

"You've thought about it for just a few hours Ray," Fraser pointed out. Ray shrugged. "Alright then," Fraser continued, "perhaps we should tackle this from another angle. May I be blunt?"

"Blunt?" Ray frowned.

"Yes Ray," Fraser scratched at his eyebrow, "crude even."

"Crude?" replied Ray, incredulously. He'd never heard Fraser be even remotely crude before.

"I apologise Ray, but I think that it's necessary in this instance." Fraser was determined to overcome his awkwardness for the sake of his friend and for their friendship. He cleared his throat before speaking again. "Ray, if we were to pursue a homosexual relationship, then we would naturally engage in sexual activity."

Ray really hadn't thought about all of the details. In fact he hadn't thought about many of the details at all. "This is one of those hypo-thingy discussions, right?"

"Hypothetical Ray and yes," replied Fraser. "You don't have to answer this question Ray if you don't want to, not out loud anyway, but I at least want you to think about your answer." Fraser paused again and Ray nodded. "Ray, are you aroused by the thought of engaging in sexual activity with me."

"What d'ya mean?" replied Ray, suddenly defensive, although he wasn't exactly why he'd had that reaction.

Fraser closed his eyes briefly. "I am asking you if the thought of, um, of becoming intimate with me, um, of..."

"You wanna know if I get a hard on thinkin' about fu..., er, I mean thinkin' about doing it with ya." Ray spared Fraser the agony of having to go into any more details. Fraser nodded. Ray thought for a moment, a very brief moment. It didn't take long to come back with his answer. He glanced down at his crotch. "No," he said bluntly.

"Ah," replied Fraser, with a small sigh of relief. He'd already known what Ray's answer would be, but it was always pleasing to be right. "Now I want you to repeat the same exercise, but this time your sexual partner will be Stella."

"Stella?" exclaimed Ray, "what the hell has The Stella got to do with this?"

"Ray, it is an experiment. Stella is our control subject, if you will," Fraser replied, "we know that you have, in the past, become sexually aroused by your ex-wife..."

"OK, OK, I get it," interrupted Ray. He closed his eyes again.

"Would you like me to turn around?" enquired Fraser, suddenly uncomfortable. "Or I could leave the room..."

"Too late Fraser," replied Ray, coyly, crossing his legs and folding his arms awkwardly in his lap.

"Ah," Fraser tugged at his left ear. "Well, I believe that has proved a point, albeit in a rather unscientific manner."

Ray grinned, his embarrassment at his sudden predicament seemed to pale into insignificance in light of the rest of the conversation this evening. Almost immediately his grin faded. "I'm sorry Fraser," he sighed, "I don't know what I was thinkin' before, I'm real sorry." He stood up. "Look, I, um, I should go. I, er, I'll understand if ya wanna, y'know, end our partnership."

"Ray, why on earth would I want to do that?" Fraser replied calmly.

"Because I suck?" suggested Ray. "Because I came round here sayin' stupid stuff and I don't even know what the fu..., er, what the hell I was even thinkin'."

"Ray, if you wish to curse in front of me, please don't feel the need to hold back," Fraser offered, "I do understand that you sometimes use that type of language as an emotional release." Ray looked at his friend. "I also understand that you have a habit of becoming overly concerned by thoughts that your mind creates for you based on little or no fact."

"Ya mean I make up stupid stuff and then get all worked up over it?" asked Ray, slumping back onto the sofa.

"Indeed," replied Fraser. "You are a person who is naturally full of self doubt, at least in your personal life. In a work situation, however, you follow your instincts with great success. It is unfortunate, then, that you tend to think too much about issues that affect your life. You run them around in your head, trying to compute all the variables, including the ones that you should clearly have discarded at the earliest opportunity, rather than simply following your instincts. We are friends, good friends, but nothing more and you have no reason to think otherwise."

"Why do I do it to myself?" Ray clenched his fists in frustration. He wanted to punch something now. "Why did I do this to you?"

"I'm not entirely sure," replied Fraser, truthfully.

Ray looked up at him, he hadn't really been expecting an answer from his partner. "Are you saying that I don't know my own mind?" he asked, nervously.

"Not in the least," replied Fraser with a wry smile. Here was that self doubt again. Exactly what he was talking about. "On the contrary, you are fully aware of the capabilities of your mind so much so that you fight with yourself until you have explored every angle. I'm surprised you can decide what to have for breakfast every morning."

Ray laughed. "That's easy buddy," he replied, "coffee, hot, black, sweet. Easy."

Fraser nodded. "If you don't mind me saying, I suspect that it has a lot to do with your past." He glanced at Ray, he didn't want to push this too far. His friend was clearly feeling fragile tonight. "Do you want me to go on?" he asked, gingerly. "If you feel at any stage I'm overstepping the mark then please say so."

Ray laughed again. "Hey, I think I already overstepped the, er, the mark tonight, don't ya think?"

Fraser shrugged and continued his train of thought. "It is my considered opinion that the breakdown of your marriage in particular has led you along this path. When your marriage ended you began questioning yourself, thinking about what you did wrong, what you could have changed that may have prevented your marriage breaking down. Am I right?"

"Yeah," replied Ray with a sigh. "I know I did stuff I shouldn't have, but I was just bein' me. If she didn't want me for who I was, then she didn't want me, did she?"

"Ray, I don't know Stella well enough to be able to comment on what she may or may not have wanted from your marriage, but I do know you. I know that you were hurt. Hurt by the situation and probably hurt by some of the things she said, whether they were justified or not." Fraser narrowed his eyes as he waited for Ray's response.

"Ya know Stella well enough then," Ray replied with a sad smile. "She can say stuff, nasty stuff and I don't know to this day whether she meant it all, or whether she was just angry with me, or with us?" Ray paused and thought about what Fraser had been saying.

"Are you alright?" asked Fraser quietly.

Ray smiled. "Yeah," he said quickly, his voice cracking slightly. Fraser placed a supportive hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry buddy," Ray sighed, biting down hard on his lower lip. "I don't know what I was thinkin'. I nearly screwed up the best friendship I've ever had didn't I...again."

"It's alright Ray," replied Fraser. He regarded Ray for a minute. "Would you like that tea now?" he asked.

"Yeah," Ray smiled at him. "Thanks Fraser." Fraser stood up and went to leave, but Ray's voice called him back. "I do love ya, y'know."

Fraser looked at him and smiled back. "I know...and I you Ray."

THE END.


End file.
